i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
