All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
