Where is the hickey?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
