Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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