I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
