roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
