i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
