I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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