i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I love you.
Bad choice
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