Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
