if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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