I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
