I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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