that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
