so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
