I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
