Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
