im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
