I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize