Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
