I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
