HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
