Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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