if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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