office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
