I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
