I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
