why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
