i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
