My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
