I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
ttyl tear gas
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
