"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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