She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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