I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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