Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
