i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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