i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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