I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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