When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
