I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
