Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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