I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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