I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
