I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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