Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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