apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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