I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
