Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
