she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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