dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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