Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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