im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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