Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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