dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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