The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
