we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
