No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
