I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
