There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The struggles of a small town man whore
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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