no you cant smoke seaweed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
