I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
