I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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