There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
