I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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