Your dad touched me again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
