so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
