Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
