Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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