I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
