My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
