I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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