My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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