I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
