Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
